I need to apologize for my selfish ways for the indefinite previous months. I have focused a lot on myself recently and I know that I have missed birthdays, anniversaries, births of babies, baby showers, weddings, funerals, church gatherings. I have failed to return messages and phone calls. I have been absent from celebrations, hardships, and ways to support you in your lives and for my lack of involvement and checking in, I am so sorry.
Most of you know that TransRockies Run 6 is rapidly approaching in a matter of hours, what you may not know is the significance of this event in my life. I first set my sights on TransRockies in 2011 and started training for it in March 2016. Since starting my training I have logged 1,322.58 miles and 310:21:17 hours in training as of today.
In the spring I learned that the company I have worked at for nearly 7 years would be permanently closing its doors this summer or fall, it ultimately closed on July 14, 2017. With the closing of Premier Women’s Healthcare, one of my very closest friends is moving away, the second very close friend I’ve lost geographically in less than a year. I’ve also lost the co-workers and friendships that are naturally created when you spend so many hours together. We’ve lost some financial security as I don’t have anything lined up when my responsibilities with PWHA conclude. I have fears of being “overqualified” for most job opportunities that can accommodate the schedule that our family needs. Some of my co-workers are still unemployed after their jobs ended on July 14th, which doesn’t lend itself to finding peace about my own circumstances.
As a result of all of these changes, instability, and fears I have done what the mountains have taught me to do for so many years during the hard times, and that’s to put my head down and keep putting one foot in front of the other until the crappy weather or situation passes. Fortunately, during this time I have had TransRockies to focus on, look forward to, and move toward. Unfortunately, unless you’re a part of my running circle I have been pretty absent from your life. It has been difficult for me to find words and relate in small talk about your life or mine and to get into the deep stuff means going to some dark places that I don’t know that I’m ready to discuss or I don’t want to bring you or our relationship down with my problems or bore you to death with running details.
Chad and Dakota know this reality all too well and I am forever grateful for their continued love, patience, and support through this journey and for their willingness to support me through my Leadville 100 goal in 2018.
To the rest of you, I am sorry that I haven’t given you much opportunity to be supportive and that I’ve been too self-involved to be invested in your life.
When TransRockies is over, I know there will be a void, some loneliness, fear, and depression will rear its ugly head and I pray that you will all find a tiny place in your lives for our friendship to rekindle. You are all still very important to me and I hope that my absence in your lives didn’t come across as a direct insult or ill feelings toward you. To my recollection, no one has made me upset or hurt my feelings in the recent months that warrants “unfriending.”
I love and miss you all and I’m excited to renew relationships this fall if you will have me. :)
